Fast Fish Food

Apparently Arby's now has fish. Don't look for it on the menu, though. I'm talking about the Arby's in Christiansburg, and not the kind you can eat without making a scene. I was chatting with a friend who had recently eaten there, and he informed me that out front, there is a twenty-gallon fish tank full of fish on display.

Just imagine all the restaurants you've gone to eat where there were fish on display that you got to see while you waited to order or eat your food. Can you envision them? There are probably a number of similar traits they all share, such as nice decorative curtains and a dark, candlelit atmosphere. I've never heard of a fish tank in a fast food restaurant, for which one of the most desirable qualities is a soda fountain in the dining area so you can get unlimited refills.

To be fair, though, it sounds as though the fish are as much of a letdown as the Arby's dining experience is. I'm told that there is some sort of ugly sucker fish on the side, and the whole tank is covered with a thin film of algae. Thank goodness that the fish don't have a concept of what dignity is, because living in a dirty fish tank at an Arby's is one thing. Being aware of how pathetic that is is something different altogether.

For some reason that's lost to me, the staff has supposedly put the tank on a wheeled television stand. In addition, they also plugged it into one of the soda fountains in order to connect the air pump to an electrical outlet. So in summary, we have a) living things, b) water, c) mobility, and d) electricity. I smell a recipe for a tremendously comedic situation. And that's not mentioning the Arby's soda cup with "fish food" Sharpied on it.

Tonight, I'll most likely fix some spaghetti for dinner, since I'm trying to give up on eating out. I can't really afford doing so, being a grad student. Maybe if I had the kind of money that Tom Arnold made being the voice of the Arby's Oven Mitt. I can liven things up by watching DVDs or television, but no matter what I do, I will have a twinge of sadness knowing that I'm missing out on the farcical experience I could have had at Arby's.