Getting a Software Hard-On

We engineers have to install a lot of software. Really, a lot of software. MATLAB, LabVIEW, Multisim, SAS, Autodesk, Microsoft Office... the list goes on. And it's not your typical installation of, say, the new Apple internet browser for Windows. These are massive, security-laden, leviathan programs that could probably eat small children, or twenty-six-toed cats.

I'm just going to go over what I had to install in the last week. Beginning last Monday, I had to try (unsuccessfully) to install LabVIEW so I could actually record data signals with my laptop. I have an older version sitting nicely in a box at home, but as with all great software, there's a new version released seemingly every year. I tried installing the lab's copy, but the disk failed cyclic redundancy checks, meaning that the disk is scratched. I should have expected this, since the copy was on a DVD-R, which can become scratched so easily that it's dangerous to even look at the disc surface if you've recently had impure thoughts. I quickly became frustrated and asked another person in the lab if I could use his computer for a day. Fortunately, the computer was free and I did my experiment. The experiment actually took less time than installing the necessary software would have. You know, had the fucking disc worked.

Then, once I had the data, it was time to analyze it with MATLAB. Most people I've talked to don't like MATLAB. Actually, I take that back, most people I've talked to don't even know what MATLAB is. If I mention it to them, I get a look that's blanker than Paris Hilton's SAT answer sheet. Most engineers I've talked to don't like MATLAB. However, I think it's one of the greatest programs ever, especially since I do a lot of signal processing. When I get a house, I may build a small altar to MATLAB down in my basement, and to it I will sacrifice tiny, hopeless accelerometers in an elaborate ceremony. For those of you who don't know what it is, let's just say it performs a slew of mathematical operations on data. If you can't answer it in MATLAB, it's probably not a real question.

Anyway, I was told I had to analyze data and generate a model for the system I was experimenting with. (Hmm, experimenting... sexual experimentation... lesbians... Damn it! Another DVD-R ruined.) This seemed fine, except that I needed to install the "System Identification Toolbox" in order to do it. Why MATLAB doesn't automatically come with all it's subprograms, I'll never know. Actually, of course I know - it's to make even more money. So of course, my version of MATLAB is too old, so I have to map a network drive and install the whole fucking thing again. This takes half of my work day.

Today, I tried activating Multisim, from the same wonderful people who brought us LabVIEW. Basically, it's software that simulates the behavior of electrical circuits. I'm sure it does a shitload more, but that's all I need it for. I spent my day as follows: Downloading and installing the student edition, trying to activate the student edition with my serial number, calling tech support twice, finding out I needed to download the academic edition, uninstalling the student edition, installing the academic edition, and then feeling so exasperated I had to write a post about it. An entire day lost to the demons of software.

I should stop, as I'm getting pretty worked up. At least tonight I'll be having chicken wings with my friends. It's a fairly simple model to derive - as long as you input wings, the output will always be happiness... Oh god, engineering jokes. Time to look at that freak cat one last time and just call it a day