Common Sense - More Addicting Than Crack

It's not healthy for maintaining a modest ego when your friends call you a genius. Thankfully, no one's called me one lately - not since high school. I'm glad, because I don't really think that I am a genius. I mean, I probably could have gotten into MIT or joined MENSA by now, but I really think that's nothing special, especially considering my tendency to form run-on sentences like this one whenever I'm trying to express a coherent thought.

Nonetheless, I am of a certain nerdy, intellectual disposition. I mean, I saw that Zebra came out with a new stainless steel gel pen (a take on the ever-popular - at least in my eyes - F-301) and almost had a nervous breakdown due to the ecstasy. I bought it immediately and can't wait for another excuse to write on something.

Perhaps along with my disposition of the intellectual comes a disgust with the ignorant or unthinking. I know that most people who read things on the internet see "ignorant" and immediately think of people who are unaware of the imminent threat of global warming, people who support various political principles without realizing their true effect on humanity or the difficulty with which such principles could be realistically executed, and people who like Nickelback. But I'm talking instead about a more basic ignorance. As usual, let me illustrate by turning to that cesspool of blog inspiration, the gym.

As I've revealed before, I think, I tend to stick to the electronic elliptical machines for a majority of my workout. When I got there, there were three available ellipticals. But alas, all their screens were blank. Determined to work out for the sake of my physical fitness and so that the girls wouldn't notice me staring at their glistening bodies, I did the one thing that seemed to make the most sense. I picked one out and made sure the power cord was still securely connected. Much to my lack of surprise, it wasn't fully plugged into the machine, so what once was dead was now alive. Rather than standing there comparing my abilities to those of Jesus resurrecting Lazarus, I went ahead with my workout. I should note, though, that I was secretly hoping that one of the girls would notice and make the comparison herself.

During my thirty-minute workout, I noticed a few girls trying the other two malfunctioning machines, which were directly in front of me. I knew that one of the machines would not work, as the power supply had been completely disconnected. You could presumably reattach it, if you knew which wires connected to which terminal. I didn't want to cause some sort of short circuit, so I never considered messing with it. However, I did notice that girls would keep trying to work out, as though their pedaling would power the machine. That's how the bikes work, not the ellipticals. One girl even didn't bother with a working machine that had a television monitor that was having network issues. That is, she worked out on the "dead" machine, as it was more important for her to have a working television than to have a working exercise machine.

As I finished my workout, I messed with the other machine, whose power supply had not been pulled out by a crazed Muppet drummer. The simple problem was, the power switch had been in the "off" position. Girls had tried this machine, too, and apparently they gave up in minor frustration because it just didn't work. To them, it was broken. A machine left to be repaired by men with fuzzy guts and southern accents. They didn't think to check the most basic of possibilities. Needless to say, I switched the thing from "0" to "1" (ever notice how power switches have become binary in this day and age?) and I felt like a technological god.

Now, why every girl who witnessed my act didn't line up in a frantic queue to ask me my phone number is beyond me.

I've had my fair share of lapses in common sense, to be fair. But simply assuming something is broken without even looking at it just strikes me as obscenely mindless. It's like you refuse to take any responsibility for ensuring that things are working correctly, delegating that task to some higher power. I hope they don't take the same attitude to the voting booths, because then we're all screwed. Me? I don't care who's up for election. I'm going to vote for a write-in. That way, I'll have another reason to write something with this bitchin' new pen.