A Newly Discovered NASA Memo

National Aeronautics and Space Administration
Suite 5K39
Washington, DC 20546

August 15, 1969

To: United Kingdom Royal Aircraft Establishment - Space Department

From: Dr. Thomas O. Paine, Administrator, United States National Aeronautics and Space Administration TOP

Recent Concerns over British Space Exploration

The purpose of this memorandum is to begin an inquiry as to the methods and practices of the British space exploration effort. Suspicions of unsafe and unethical practices have arisen since the public release of the audio records by civilian David Robert Jones of a manned space flight that occurred recently. The flight was allegedly manned by a single crew member, a Major Tom of what we assume is the RAF.

First, records indicate that prior to liftoff, the crew was instructed to ingest protein supplements. It would please us to know whether the Major's protein levels were temporarily low or whether he suffered from a chronic deficiency. We are also aware that a boost in protein levels may be RAE policy for the benefit of all crew performing manned spaceflight. Should this be the case, we would be interested in seeing the research indicating what benefit this has on the crew's physiology.

Transcripts indicate that, soon after launch, an inquiry was made from Ground Control as to the nature of the t-shirt worn by the crew member. It is greatly disturbing to think that (a) the Major was not given a highly specialized and thoroughly inspected space suit, and (b) the Ground Control personnel were unaware of the status of his attire, regardless of the quality thereof.

Following a brief spacewalk, it seemed apparent that the crew member's opinion of the spacecraft was unsatisfactory, as he referred to the vehicle as a "tin can." We would like to know whether the Major had any history of depression or other mental abnormalities. In addition, it would seem that he felt unable to perform any mission-oriented tasks due to the blue color of the Earth. We would speculate that at least one aspect of the mission was the study of the behavior of optics in space, though this information is likely classified.

Further along in the progress of the mission, at around half the distance to the moon, the transcript indicates that there may have been a grave error. The Major indicated a loss of motor control and knowledge of the ship's trajectory. Ground Control responded with indications of a disruption in one or more of the craft's electronic subsystems. At this point, there seemed to be a communications failure, concluding the recorded radio transmissions.

We at NASA would like to know the status of the mission and whether our resources could be used to solve any problems in your department regarding this specific mission. We look forward to hearing the status of your affairs and await the opportunity to provide assistance.

Follow the Wiki Rabbit

So today is a case study in just how Wikipedia is like an addictive drug for intelligent people. Much like cocaine, only Al Pacino has not yet starred in a bloody, profanity-laced film highlighting the dangerous business of Wikipedia trafficking.

Today's journey started when I decided to use Google Documents to make my blog posts, as editing is easier. To my pleasant surprise, I found that there is a built-in word count tool, and I can publish directly to my blog. (What's that? A Google application compatible with a Google-based blog? What will they think of next?) Anyway, much like Microsoft Word, Google Documents lists the Readability and Grade Level. Alas, they also have a link to an explanation of each number, found at - you guessed it - Wikipedia.

So the first stop on our list is the page for "Flesch-Kincaid Readability Test." There, we can see the equations used to calculate both the readability and the grade level. They're remarkably simple equations, and it's rather disillusioning to see them presented as such. When I was younger, the grade level presented by Microsoft Word was probably my main method of determining my intelligence. To write at a reading level below 12.0 was truly unacceptable for me, even if I was only in 10th grade at the time. Anyway, the method for determining the level seemed remarkably esoteric, and I had just figured that the paperclip took the time to read every word and form a detailed opinion.

What's this? A side note? One of the lowest recorded reading levels is that of Dr. Seuss' Green Eggs and Ham, which fetches a -1.3. Of course, there's a link to the "Green Eggs and Ham" page, which yields more sweet, sweet knowledge. There's a rumor that the book came about as a result of a bet between Seuss and his publisher that Seuss could not write a book using only fifty words. Seuss succeeded, and 98% of them were merely one syllable.

One footnote to the article proceeded to explain that in September, a District Court judge received an egg in the mail from an older Jewish prisoner complaining of his non-kosher diet. The judge evoked the storyin his ruling, saying, "I do not like eggs in the file. I do not like them in any style." Apparently the man "is serving 10 to 20 years for sexually assaulting a 7-year-old girl. His lawsuit was filed in August 2006 and is scheduled for trial in June 2008. 'We've told him, if you don't like the eggs, don't eat them,' said Assistant Attorney General Andrew Livernois, who also received an egg in the mail. 'That's not good enough for him.'"

Five minutes of random Internet meandering later, I was looking at thong panties King Tut's newly displayed face. You see, with Wikipedia, my rate of learning trivial information triples. So if you're a smart person and don't know all there is to know about the Peloponnesian War or Foghat's Discography, then I suggest you say hello to my little friend.