Drunk People Are Funny

Since yesterday was my birthday, we all went out and celebrated the way any good, self-respecting American citizen does - by getting wasted. At one point, I was sitting talking to my friend Chris, who is an English major, and telling him that we should collaborate on a piece of literature. As a response, we created these two lists on a napkin, which I will now reproduce verbatim, as per numerous requests.

Crazy shit you could feed a dog:

• beers
  
• birth certificates
  
• a babies
  
• drugs
  
• another dog!
  
• your wedding album
  
• several balloons
  
• a dildo!
  
• onions
  
• hamsters
  
• a horse
  
• toothpicks
  
• A Pulitzer-Prize-Winning Novel
  
• Eudora Welty
  
• Bacteria Cultures
  -----> Yogurt
  
• Cunt*
  
• The Crew of the S.S. Minnow
  
• Itself
  
• Captain Picard
  
• "Personal Lubricant"
  
• BET...the entire channel
  
• Elephant shit
  
• Bill Nye the Science Guy
  
• Bouncy Balls

*-added by Deb

Things you should beat off to/with:

• 2girls1cup
  
• Midgets
  
• Donkey Show?
  
• Paula Deen
  
• Angry Bartender (Brandy)
  
• "Ace of Spades"
  
• BET
  
• Tax Refunds
  
• Nicole's 30 Victoria Secrets
  
• Jason's Playboy Offer (Blacksburg or Dumfries edition)
  
• Sears Catalog
  
• Kirks uncircumsized penis
  
• Paula Dean's vagina (she loves butter)
  
• (with) cooking spray
  
• Paula's Dean buttery vagina
  
• (with) Slip N' slides <----- accidental boner
  
• (with) Peanut Butter (chunky is like ribbed for my pleasure)