The Gaming Closet

I have a confession to make, and it might be pretty disturbing. Or it could shock absolutely none of you and be one of those realizations of a long-harbored suspicion. Like when you discover how that odd-smelling kid who sat in the corner and picked his nose all day grew up to be a child molester. The confession is: I have, in the past, played role-playing games such as Dungeons and Dragons. There, I said it. But there doesn't seem to be that sudden lifting of a great weight from my shoulders. Instead, there seems to be a heavy burden of nerd-based shame that is raining down upon me as I type.

(Some may be lost as to what the game itself entails. Basically, a group of people team up to form a cast of fictitious adventurers, each with vital statistics - strength, intelligence, etc. - recorded on sheets of paper. Another person, the Dungeon Master, or "DM," feeds the players the story and dictates the actions of monsters and other characters they encounter on the adventures. Various dice rolls, modified by aforementioned recorded statistics, represent the luck inherent in the gameplay.)

Of course, no one is unaware of the stereotypical scene of a bunch of acne-ridden, ever-virgin geeks sitting around in a circle pretending to be adventurers in some Tolkien-derivative fantasy world. I'd like to think that this stereotype is not as steadfastly true as one may think. In fact, some famous players of the game include Tim Duncan of the San Antonio Spurs, Patton Oswalt, Robin Williams, Mike Myers, Vin Diesel, and even Stephen Colbert. All have acknowledged their indulgence in the D&D hobby, and with exception of Vin Diesel, all are admired and respected public figures.

Being wary of eventually falling victim to the stereotype, I refuse to play the game with anyone except my very closest friends who have eventually revealed that they are also familiar with the game. The best games, in my opinion, are played by those who fully realize the sad nerdiness that surrounds the game and rather than be ashamed, fully embrace it in the most comic way possible. During the hours I've actually played role-playing games, I've only enjoyed the sessions wherein everyone playing is proudly wearing their self-derisive geek badges.

Oh, and as a side note, the sooner that you realize and come to terms that you're a nerd, then the happier you're gong to be, and I highly doubt that anyone reading this isn't a nerd in some way or another. Being a nerd, the way I see it, is defined by a strong desire to gain a lot of knowledge about a specific topic, in addition to the pursuit and acquisition of that knowledge. The characters in Hornby's High Fidelity, Rob Gordon and his cohorts Barry and Dick, are pop culture nerds. I've come across a number of English majors who know a lot about classic literature. They, too, are nerds. Oh yeah, and men (or women - let's not be sexist) who can lecture you on sports facts and historical data? Nerds.

With a game like D&D, where the rules are so extensive, you have no choice but to be a nerd, and I think this is how the stereotype came about. You have to devote a significant amount of effort to learning the mechanics of the game before you can even play. Even though I am proudly a nerd in other areas (ask me what kind of music I like and get ready for a thirty-minute lecture), I try to avoid becoming so familiar with role-playing games. For example, the most enjoyable games were those I played with my old roommate, who valued creative stories above all else and never used dice or rules. Really, it was a form of collective storytelling much like improvised theater. Only with no effort put forth to costumes or acting, and entirely for our own enjoyment.

Maybe I'm still a hopeless music nerd, but I like to think I know where to draw the line when it comes to this fantasy gaming. I never take D&D seriously on any real level, and I've given away my lot of Magic: The Gathering cards. Maybe that one will be worth another post. But for now, I need to apply some astringent to my face and gain some charisma points.