Olympic Rings

One of the recurring themes on this blog, as you might have noticed, is my neverending inability to get laid. It may be exaggerated to some degree for humor's sake, but I would say it's a pretty safe bet that most people my age have had sex with way more people than I have.

Then I read this. (Oddly enough, it's not posted under "Sports" but rather "Entertainment.")

Have you read it yet? Good.

So just to sum up, China has graciously provided a tenth of a million condoms to the world's Olympic athletes, of which there are ten and a half thousand. If this seems like overkill, it surprisingly isn't. Evidently a supply of 70,000 in Sydney during the 2000 games wasn't enough. Doing rough math, this is roughly ten condoms per athlete, or up to twenty per sexual encounter, if we're assuming it's possible that the athletes could be fucking each other, rather than random people on the street. Furthermore, we may be able to assume that some of these athletes may be married, and some of that subset might want to have children, thereby further reducing the population of athletes who would be using these condoms. Conclusion: Olympic athletes are the most effective ass-getters in the world, and they're horny as all hell.

I guess this isn't too much of a surprise, given that their bodies are constantly engaged in activity. I've recently started running, and I can affirm that regular physical activity has serious effects on all aspects of your body. For example, it has manifested mental benefits as I find I'm far less likely to get depressed. And yes, it also tends to increase your sex drive. Of course, that will happen with any sort of deviation from a lifestyle wherein you're sitting on your ass alone for all sixteen hours you're awake, watching baseball, reading, and playing video games.

Wait a minute... Now, I'm all for practicing safe sex and preventing the spread of HIV. That's clearly the driving motive behind this condom-fest and there's nothing wrong with that. But these are Olympians, the cream of the crop and the best of the best with regards to human physical form. And we're preventing them from procreating? Why not let them go all out and get a future race of superhumans? And before you call me a crazy deviant who's been studying Nazi breeding tactics, realize that this group includes members of all the cultures of the world! You know why Brazilians are so super-sexy? It's because they're the product of a natural process of massive intercultural breeding. Brazil's got the best genes from all around the world. Talk about a melting pot.

So I say make your decisions with great care. Perhaps, Olympians, you're of the opinion that you should set a great example by exercising safe sex and demonstrating the value of responsible thinking. Or perhaps you want to make an equally informed decision by electing to attempt reproduction with your significant Olympian other and produce the world's next master exceptional race. I see you're thinking really hard. Maybe I should take over for you until you've made your decision. I have some extra condoms of my own since I got that last Harry Potter book.